Lame Excuses...?

I'm here to beg for forgiveness- I have been a bad blogger for the last few days. I will honestly try to catch up with all of you over the next two to three days, but please forgive the slow response to comments and blog posts.

I'm recovering from a two day long migraine headache that had me in the hospital. I also have Hashimoto's and have been off my meds for a few weeks so I'm getting tired, cranky, and have really dry skin- TMI?

Anyway, I will be back to normal- or at least, my version of normal- very soon!

Yay Me

I'm feeling a little mixed up today. I have a lot of venting I'd like to do, but do you really want another one of those posts? I'm trying to keep things positive and all, especially since things aren't that bad when I consider the fact that my family is happy, healthy, and alive. But, still, don't you just need to vent sometimes? I feel a rant coming on...

OK, I squashed it.

I do have some great news to share. My mom gave me my birthday/Christmas present early this year (my birthday is in December). She said she wanted me to have it in time to use for Thanksgiving; she knew I have wanted one forever. FOREVER.

Hello, lover.

Where have you been all my life?

My mom is so awesome; she got me a 475 watt, 5 quart, commerical grade bowl-lift design, Empire Red, Kitchenaid stand mixer! I'm in love.

I'm also wondering why on earth Felix never bought me one, since I've mentioned wanting one for the last 11 1/2 years that we've been together...or why I never broke down and bought one for myself...oh, who cares?! I have one now. So now I'm off to bake, which usually relieves some stress, so you won't be reading a whiny, angry rant from me tomorrow.

But I can't promise anything.

Daddy Dearest

Grab yourself a drink and snuggle up on the couch, this is a long one...

I don't think I've ever talked much about my dad. My parents divorced when I was 5, and my brother Adam was 2 1/2; a few months later my mom got knocked up with Josiah (different deadbeat dad). From (my) ages 5-12 Adam and I rarely saw our dad. There were times when he would call my mom and say "Get the kids ready for this weekend, I'll pick them up." We'd pack our little overnight bags, sit on the front porch and wait. And wait. And wait. Finally, as dusk would approach, my mom would pull us inside. We'd never get a phone call or explanation, he would wait a few months and do it all over again. Occasionally, he would actually come through and pick us up. I always felt uncomfortable, like I was spending time with an uncle that lived out of state and I only knew through pictures and stories from my mom. To add to the awkwardness, my dad married our old neighbor, who had two kids the same ages as Adam and I. It was like we were being replaced with a whole new family.

When I was about 11 years old I was on the phone with my dad, and although I don't remember the exact conversation, we must have been talking about things that he had done in the past (see the above paragraph). I was crying and asking him "Why?" And he had the nerve to say to me, "That was in the past, why can't you get over it?"

Yes, why can't an 11 year old child who has basically been growing up without her father just get over it? I sure wish I had thought of that! After that conversation I decided not to visit him any longer. Adam continued to see him, especially since it was around that time that my dad moved into a home only 45 minutes away. Adam has been fairly close with our father since then; me, not so much.

Recently, though, I saw my dad at Adam's wedding in August. We talked a little bit, and at the end of the reception, when we were all saying good-bye, we both did the we-should-get-together thing and he said "I love you." I don't know why, since I had convinced myself several years ago that I was over it, but that one remark really touched me. Since then I have thought about calling him and inviting him over for dinner, but something keeps holding me back.

I decided last night to ask my mom for her thoughts. You would think she would hate my dad's guts, but she learned to let go of that anger a long time ago. My parents get along fine, my dad even helped my mom work on her house when she first got it (he owns a construction company). Anyway, she reminded me that it was no good holding on to pain and anger, that it was up to me to let it go for my own sake, and that everything I was holding on to was hurting me, not him. And then, she gave me some insight into why my father is the way he is.

When my dad was born, his parents already had a one year old son, Richard. Richard had heart problems and was a sick baby that required a lot of attention. My grandfather was still in the Navy, which meant my grandmother (who was only 20 when she had my dad) was left to care for two babies mostly on her own. Apparently it was too much for her, and when my dad was still an infant, she sent him to live with relatives until he was two years old. My dad was never very close with his parents, and I think this had something to do with it; those first few years are so important for bonding. He was, however, close with his older brother. Then, when Richard was 12 and my dad was 11, Richard passed away from a brain tumor. I think this made my father's relationship with his parents even worse and it never fully recovered. All of this shaped him into the man he was when I was born; he was only 21 (the same age I was when I had Aiven) and not ready to be a married father. Not to make excuses, but I know it's sometimes easier to just keep going along the wrong path than to change course completely.

Which brings us all around to today. Today I will call my dad. I will invite him and my stepmom to dinner. I will do my best to forgive and forget, whether I feel like he deserves it or not, and not just for my own sake, but for my kids who don't really know their grandpa.

Monster Update

I want to thank all of you for your words of encouragement concerning my last post (bratty kids and horrible parents!). I was going to respond to each of you individually, but my lovely son somehow figured out how to erase emails while I got up to use the restroom; I decided instead to just give the rundown on how things went with my teacher meeting.

Before I begin let me just say that I really like Aiven's teacher; she is actually the wife of Aiven's second grade teacher (the one who didn't want to send letters to Josiah's platoon). I don't care for him much, but his wife is awesome.

Now that I got that little tidbit out of my system, here's the short version: I told her we wouldn't be sending Aiven on the overnight trip to the capital for two reasons. First, neither of us is able to go and that makes us uncomfortable. Second, the class has shown themselves to be rude, ungrateful, and disrespectful; there are several instigators but many followers. I am head of fundraising and told her that I would continue to fund raise because I didn't want to shirk that off on someone else, I just would no longer be putting in my own money.

She was upset, mostly because she feels bad that Aiven will be missing out on a great trip. She also mentioned that she was considering asking the three main problem kids not to attend the trip, but I doubt that that will actually happen.

Overall, it was a quick and drama-free talk; probably because none of the brats/parents were involved.

Keep Your Monster in Check

I'm so stinkin' mad. How the heck am I gonna keep with my don't-judge-other-moms thingy if these other moms keep actin' like stupid idiots?! Seriously!

I worked for over a month planning an elaborate and fun field trip for Aiven's class. I even spent money on it that should've come from the class fund, but I wanted to be helpful. How does that little class of monsters repay me? The teacher got a call the day after the trip from the docent complaining about some of the kids and their parents behavior; she asked that for future field trips these people should be excluded. WTF did these kids and parents do?! Apparently since it wasn't my child involved, I don't have the right to know. And apparently the teacher is dealing with it. Somehow, that doesn't make me any less angry.

Now, I've always been impressed with the kids at Aiven's school. Sure, you're gonna have your occasional obnoxious kid, but for the most part the kids are well-behaved. It's a small school, with only two classes for each grade K-5, and only about 60 kids in the grades 6-8. Most classes have around 20 students, well below the average for California (which is around 33-35, I believe). Aiven's class is the largest in the school, with 28 students. For whatever reason, this number equals complete chaos. I don't really understand it, and it seems like the teacher doesn't either.

I am currently the head of fundraising for the class, and our focus right now is for a two-day overnight field trip to our state capital, Sacramento. I've been busting my a$$ for these brats and now I'm not so sure I want to do it anymore. Felix and I have already decided that Aiven isn't going on the trip, since neither of us is able to go with her. Why should my well-behaved child have to deal with missing out on a fun learning experience because of a small group of kids that can't be controlled? They will make it difficult for anyone else to enjoy the trip, and I want nothing to do with it.

So, my question is, why do the parents with the worst kids always live in a state of complete denial about how bad their kids are? They are always the most defensive, combative pieces of work I've ever met. The only ray of hope that I have is that because our school is a charter school, the families can be kicked out; there is a long waiting list of families wanting their kids to go here, and I'm sure they'd keep their kids in check if they knew why other families were asked to leave.

I'm off soon to have a talk with the teacher about all of this, wish me *luck*.

THETA Moms!

A few days ago I was tagged with the THETA (The True, Authentic) Mom award by MJ at Dirty Lil Confessions. If you are tagged you must list five things that make you a true, authentic mom, and then pass along the tag to five other deserving moms. This took me a few days to get around to because I think, in general, it's pretty hard for moms to list five things that they do well. Ask us about what we feel guilty over and we can go on and on and on...right?


Well, after much pencil chewing and over-analyzing, here is my list.



1. I try very hard to feed my kids healthy foods; very rarely do I give them anything processed at home. However, I am not a food nazi, and when we have parties or splurge days, I let them eat what they want. Am I proud that when I drive by McDonalds my 17 month old says "Num num, mmmmm"? Uh, no. But I am proud that he would rather pick at my salad than eat french fries most of the time.



2. My kids have responsibilities appropriate to their ages, and we have house rules that everyone must follow. They know what it's like to do chores and have respect for their home and family.



3. We try to have fun every day. Whether it's telling silly stories, having a tickle fight, or reading together, I try to spend one-on-one time with both of my kiddos each day.



4. I am preparing them to be independent adults who can care for themselves. Aiven does her own laundry and is learning to cook and handle a savings account. I don't want my children to depend on anyone else.



5. Felix and I both hug, kiss, and snuggle the kids every chance we get. We want them to be open to love and not be afraid to show affection.



So there you have it, my THETA list. Now I have to do the really hard thing and pass it on. I chose my five moms because they are all in different situations but are doing the best they can and are proof that there isn't one right way to be a mom.



Holly at 504 Main

That One Mom at Only Parent Chronicles: A Day in the Life

Holly and Charisse at Life Laugh Latte

Su at This Stop Willoughby

Raoulysgirl at Who Has the Thyme?

Conversations with Samira

After my somewhat angry post yesterday, I thought I'd stay on the same subject (Veterans Day) but keep it light this morning.

On the Monday before Veterans Day I was talking with my 5 year old niece, Samira, whom I babysit.

Me: "You know, you don't have school on Wednesday."

Samira: "Why? Is it Christmas?"

Me: "No, it's Veterans Day."

Samira: "What's a veteran?"

Me: "A veteran is someone who was or is in the military, like uncle Josiah. There's going to be a parade and a celebration."

Samira: "Can I wear a costume?"

Me: "No, it's not that kind of celebration."

Now, when we were actually at the event on Veterans Day, Samira noticed so many of the men wearing uniforms and scowled at me.

"You said we couldn't wear costumes!"

In a similar vein...

Very close to my house is a Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW) building. As we were passing by it one day, Samira asked, "What is that place, is it a church?"

Me: "No, it's the VFW, for soldiers."

Samira: "Like the soldiers that killed Jesus?"

Me: "Uh, no. Those were Romans, and that was like 2,000 years ago."

Veterans Day

I meant to have this post up earlier today, but it was a hectic day and then our Internet was down for several hours; anyway, better late than never!

Veterans Day is very close to my heart. My baby brother, Josiah, is a Marine Corps veteran of the war in Iraq. We are so blessed that he returned home to us, completely unharmed and (so far as we know) mentally and emotionally stable. There are many veterans that aren't as fortunate, and many who never return home.

As far as our celebration of the day, my mom and I took my kids and my niece, Samira to our town's Veterans Day parade, where we met up with some friends. What a pathetic, heartbreaking excuse for a parade it was! The city didn't close off the few blocks the parade route ran, they only had cops on motorcycles in front and back, so there was traffic around the parade walkers. And there were only maybe 50 people out to watch our veterans and ROTC kids. My mom and I were pretty upset. After the "parade" we went to the Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW) building where a much larger crowd was on hand for a ceremony to honor veteran. This event was beautiful and helped to put so salve on the wounds the parade had caused.

I was shocked, however, as the crowd was lead in the pledge of allegiance at how many kids, including my five year old niece, didn't know the pledge! Apparently it is rarely done in schools any more. Makes me wonder how children are going to learn to respect and honor our country and the men and women who serve it if we don't teach them to.

All this reminded me of an incident that happened two years ago. Aiven had just started 2nd grade, Josiah had just left for Iraq, and shortly after that I found out I was pregnant. It was an exciting, scary time. I met with Aiven's (old hippy) teacher to let him know what was going on with our family, in case Aiven had any problems in school.

After explaining everything, I added, "Aiven and I thought it would be nice if the class could write letters to my brother's platoon."

The teacher looked mortified.

"I can't do that, most of the parents are against the war, and I don't think it's appropriate."

I was floored. Normally I would have a snarky comeback, but I was in complete shock. I know we live in probably one of the most liberal areas of the country, but since when does that mean you can't be patriotic and support our troops?! I consider myself fairly liberal in most areas, but I am also very patriotic, and I don't believe those to be conflicting ideals. I think that to some on The Left, being a patriotic person means believing your country is perfect and never wrong and you just follow along blindly. I don't buy that for a minute. As author James A. Baldwin said, "I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually." Being a patriot doesn't mean you agree with every decision your government makes; do you love your family? Do you agree with every decision they make? I didn't think so.

Now that I'm good and worked up, I will try to end on a positive note.

When Josiah had been in the Marines for a couple years he decided he wanted to get a Marine Corps tattoo. After searching through many, many designs and not being really satisfied, he decided to choose a quote by author and patriot Thomas Paine that sums up why he joined the Marines:

If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace.

Sea Dragon

Because several of you asked, I'm going to post some pictures of a sea dragon. I'm not sure if they're technically related to the sea horse, but they look like they might be (can you tell who didn't read all the info labels at the aquarium?). The pictures didn't come out so great, but I think you'll get the idea...

Family Field Trip

Our local library has a great partnership with the Monterey Bay Aquarium; at the first of the month (most months) you can pick up a pass at the library good for 6 people to get in to the aquarium. That's nearly $180! Free. Just for having a library card and living within driving distance to the aquarium (which, by the way, is one of the best in the world).

So this Sunday we headed out to Monterey for the day; it's only about a 30 minute drive, which is perfect when you're dealing with a 17 month old boy who can't sit still. We have been to the aquarium countless times, but it's always fun, especially now that Urijah can actually enjoy it with us.

Here are some of the highlights:An otter

Me, the kids, and my three chins :P

Felix and Urijah looking at the rays.

Aiven and Urijah in a clam!

A seahorse in the new seahorse exhibit.